GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN
After a long time of commitment and love invested in a relationship Tolu still appealed for separation between her and Ade. According to her, things were not as they used to be, Tolu could not really figure out what had gone wrong, she needed someone to talk to, and she was so confused and disheartened. She considered if to continue struggling in her relationship and hope that things will change with time or to call for a breakup.
“We need to understand that not all relationships are meant to last forever”
The most dangerous thing in a relationship is to want to force your partner on you or trying to force your relationship to work. Sometimes, God brings people into our lives for a REASON, for a SEASON and also for a LIFE time; it is pathetic for you to bring a seasonal friend into a life time cycle. The fact that s/he is your best friend doesn’t mean s/he will make the best spouse for you.
Oftentimes singles ask me what are the reasons for breakup in a relationship? What should you consider for breakup in a relationship? I have always given my candid opinion; Tolu asked the same question in which I am just going to mention few reasons. I call it sign poles to breakup. It means if you see any of the following signs there might be need for you to question your relationship.
“Breaking up might be hard to do, but sometimes it’s also the right thing to do”
If your relationship is not healthy then it is deadly. Why staying in an unhealthy relationship, remember the case of titanic, it was a mistake that got them sunk. Here is a list of the warning signs you cannot afford to ignore in your relationship.
“A short time mistake can caused you a long time anguish”
Abuse includes a broad range of maltreatment which can be physical abuse, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse. Many people stay in a relationship where they are being abused thinking they are in it for love, let me remind you that love is not stupid. The fact that you are in love does not mean you must be stupid.
“Bullies look for people they KNOW they can bully, and rubbers rob
people who look like they are easy to rob”
If your partner can not lay hands on you for greatness, don’t let him lay hands on you for beating. Love can never be stupid but people are just ignorant. You are a special being that deserves a special treatment. If you have been abused physically or emotionally, its time you checked out of the relationship. May be you are in such situation and you want to know what to do, my candid advice is to give your partner one more kiss, I mean a good-bye kiss.
NOT GROWING TOGETHER
What is the point if you cannot grow together in a relationship; anyone that cannot bring out the best in you is not worth a friend. There is no reason to be together if you don’t feel good about yourself when you are with your partner and you are no longer thriving. A healthy relationship is to laugh together, learn together, play together and grow together. When you find yourself with someone who has not quite grown up, you should consider this a serious sign.
YOUR VALUES DON’T ALIGN
Everyone lives by values, the moment you realize that your values are not in alignment, it means you can’t live together, note that; your value system will determine your belief system and your belief system will determine the success of your relationship, now you see why a Christian cannot be equally yoked with unbelievers, what does darkness have to do with light? Your value and belief system will determine how far you both can go.
NO VISION, NO FUTURE
What you both see will determine your destination by your decision, many people are in a relationship without vision and purpose, in a relationship without vision is like two blind people leading each other, obviously they are moving but not going anywhere. At this point, ending it is likely the best thing for both of you rather than forcing it to work. Vision is the ability to see into the future, it is seeing the end from the beginning.
Trust is one of the foundations of healthy relationship. Rebounding from infidelity is hard work. Whoever can cheat on you while dating has the tendency to cheat on you in marriage, whoever sees you as an option do not deserve your love and attention. I have realized that cheating is easy compared to being faithful. If you are in a serious relationship with someone who is or has been unfaithful, i suggest you think twice about the relationship. If you can’t begin a relationship with trust, you have nothing to build on; you are just wasting your time and energy building what won’t last. If s/he cheats on you before marriage, what guarantee is there that it wouldn’t occur after marriage?
OUT OF SEASON
When the season is over, let it be over. Don’t cling to it just because you have wasted so much time and commitment on it. Like I said earlier, we need to understand that every relationship will be for a season, a reason, or a life time. If you realized its purpose is not for marriage don’t force it to be. Whatever you force to be out of season for no reason will only be for a short period of time and not for a life time. Don’t be a seasonal lover when you are supposed to be a life time spouse.
In conclusion, you must see people coming into your life like a category of a tree. Some people are like the leaves, they are never stable during storm, and most people in our society are like that. And some people are like a branch of a tree, they make you think they are good friends, just be careful because they will fool you during storm, the moment you step on them they break up and leave you. But if you find certain people in your life like the root at the bottom of a tree, you are blessed, please celebrate them.
Tolu has decided to breakup with Ayo just because she noticed five signs existing within their relationship, or what would you advise her to do?